Regrets..

We all have regrets..doing things we could prevented by thinking through it properly..well..I have one regret tonight..I forgot that I used to call my ex cuppycake..and I went ahead and called my sweet heart cuppycake..and she knew I used to call my ex that..well..talk about stupidity..and of course..she got mad at me..how the he'll did I forget something like that?I just ruined the night for both of us..well..I'm suppose to be studying now but I just can't stop worrying aboutwhat she might be thinking..she asked me to leave her alone..I asked her if we could just move on from it..well..the girls reading this must think I'm a total idiot for doing it..it's not that I still have feelings for my ex or anything..well..I even forgot her pet name..I just do things without thinking it through..well..not only me..most guys do the same thing..well today's kind of a shitty day..cuz..we spent most of the day being upset and quarreling..and when we finally made up..I have to go and drop this shit..and now she's mad at me..and I feel like I wanna turn back the time and undo what I just did..we have been quarreling every weekend since we stop seeing each other on the weekends..when we're able to see each other we're not like this..when we were working together during the holidays we could see each other everyday..and we were happy..we never argued about anything..and when we stopped working..it started..we started quarreling..sometimes even when actually there's ntg to quarrel about..usually I just keep quiet and let her win..cuz I don't like to quarrel..it's just too painful for me..but if I think she's just looking at it on her side of the story and not thinking how I feel about the situation..then I answer back..and when I answer back..a lot of tears come in the picture..not just hers..when I hear her cry..I can't explain the feeling..it's like the air in your lungs get sucked out from you..and your heart aches..it like your heart gets a sqeeze and it feels ummm..it's like a sour feeling..I don't know how to discribe it..and then it hits me that I'm causing her to cry..and even if she's the one wrong..I feel like I'm the one wrong..and I start crying too because I just made the person that I love so much cry..and I start feeling guilty,sorry and all the feelings that make you say..you're right..I'm sorry..I'm the worst person ever..what the he'll is wrong with me..and when I get her to stop crying..she becomes the one to make me stop crying..we switch roles..and she starts saying sorry..and when I'm done..we just talk about the situation for awhile..and this time we think about each others feelings before saying anything..and we try to solve the problem..and by the end of it we're both tired and we go to bed..usually still feeling blue..and we wake up the next day l8..cuz we argued till l8 the night before..and we wake up still feeling the soreness inside..i guess she feels like that too..cuz I feel like that..owh..about that..sometimes..for some reason..I feel what she feels..not all the time..but most of the time..sometimes we're just texting and I'll feel a little down..and I'll ask her if she's ok..yeah..she'll say she's fine..but somehow..I can feel that she's not..and sure enough..she'll tell me that I've said something that hurt her and stuff like that..and so I'll call her..and we start talking about it..but if I react in a wrong way..it'll turn into an arguement which it usually does..and the process goes again..it's usually the same thing when we quarrel..that's if we start of sad..but if it's a quarrel cuz one of us is mad at something the other has done..usually I'm the bad guy in these situations..and during situations..I never know what's going to happen..it's always different..sometimes..we just forget about it..sometimes we don't..well..just called her..everythings fine again..it's so nice to hear her laugh again..I love her so so much..I'm going to bed..with a smile tonight..I love you dear dear..nite nite..thanks for reading guys..live life like we're dying..